I said almost everything I wanted to say to Tim during our sessions, but not quite everything.
I recently had a frustrating situation in which two of my siblings sent me some rude, insulting texts. I decided not to reply and blocked them. I haven’t enjoyed most interactions with my judgmental family of origin for many years. I can’t relate to their narrow-mindedness. They’re full of hateful bullshit.
That latest interaction with them left me feeling discouraged about socializing with anyone at all. This frustrates me quite a bit, because one of the goals I discussed with my last therapist, Tim Irving, was that I was going to work on expanding my social circle. The antisocial feeling I’m experiencing feels like a real setback. I don’t want to let awful family members get in the way of my personal goals, but I just don’t feel interested in talking with anyone to try to make friends right now.
I actually wanted to set an appointment with Tim to talk about it, but at the time of this writing (late March 2025), he’s completely booked and doesn’t maintain a waitlist. I was disappointed that I won’t get to talk with him, but I’m happy for him that he seems to have lots of business.
I found a new counselor, and he practices IFS, which I’d heard of before but hadn’t experienced.
I’ve had one session so far, and it was interesting. For now I don’t feel like I’m able to differentiate between the different parts clearly, but that’s okay. I’m excited to see where it goes and how it might help me.
Back to Tim Irving, I was thinking about my sessions with him and how there won’t be any future sessions, and I realized there are a few things I’d chat with him about if I could. What follows is a series of random observations and curiosities, things that I wanted to mention to him but didn’t—either because of time constraints or because at the time I thought of them, I figured they weren’t important and I’d be able to find a way to work them into future sessions after learning more about him.
Dear Timothy Irving:
- One of the first things I noticed upon meeting you and at every session thereafter, was that you give off a strong sexually available vibe. I could tell that it wasn’t something that I made up in my mind, nor was it just me thinking you’re an attractive guy. I wasn’t projecting is what I’m saying. It was coming from you. That’s not to imply that you were in any way at all unprofessional to me. You were 100% professional at all times. I actually found it interesting that you’re so professional while having a vibe like that. I guess it isn’t something that can really be turned off, even with professional behavior. I wonder how your other clients react to it?
How interesting. It made me wonder if you’re partnered. I hope you aren’t or else your relationship will be in serious trouble at some point I think, if it isn’t already. And if you’re single, dude, I really think you should be married. You seem like you could be fun ONS material and also marriage material, but I think you’d be happier as a married. Just the opinion of one random short-term client who barely knows you at all. If any nice, pretty single ladies are reading this, Tim might be a decent man to date instead of going to him for therapy. I don’t know him personally, but he seems like he might be a good guy irl.
And Tim, no offense. I’ll repeat, you were professional in all of your behavior and language when we interacted. If you ever see this, which is extremely unlikely, please don’t be offended. - Don’t you love when someone says “no offense” and they immediately follow that with something else that’s probably offensive? Haha.
Tim, I remember how nice and professional our first session was. You brought up your boundaries and I thought it went great. When I was talking about my boundaries (we agreed on boundaries which was cool and awesome btw), I motioned around your office and said the space was a turn off from a sexual standpoint, which I considered a good thing because it made it feel safer. When I said that, your facial reaction and body language seemed that you were insulted and maybe offended. I thought it was funny, because the opposite of that would’ve been if I’d said “Tim, this office really turns me on.” Clearly, that wouldn’t be good at all! But I tried to clarify that it felt like a good professional space, and I was happy about that. - Tim, I’m not done talking about awkward things yet, lol. Let’s talk about how you crack your back during sessions. Every session. Do I think it’s wrong? No. I asked you if you cracked your back around your other clients and you said you did and that some of them could relate and would crack theirs too. I believe I told you later that if it’s fine with you and your clients, then it’s probably not a problem. I’ve since gained clarity on my opinion about it somewhat, although I still don’t think it’s really a right or wrong behavior. However, I’ve decided although it might seem petty of me to tell you to please not crack your back during sessions, I mean well in saying to please refrain from doing it. The reason is because some clients, such as myself, find it distracting.
My first thought when it first happened, was were you ok? Were you in pain? Then I wondered if you needed help. To be blunt, it made me concerned about you. I then wondered if you had a wife who would massage you when you got home from work. I have a history of massaging my partners and helping crack their backs so that was a natural response for me to have. So there I was in my therapy session thinking about your back and suddenly thinking how I could help you with it. Do you see why that might be a distraction? It’s not an obvious distraction like if you were to say “golly I sure am horny today” lol, but it is a distraction. I think any clients who really dislike you cracking your back will just stop seeing you, but the ones like me who like you are going to keep going to you for however long they need to and end up distracted by it sometimes. I’m not sure that I want a handsome man with sexually available vibes implying that his back is uncomfortable while I’m talking to him about my personal issues. I think if it was an infrequent occurrence it would be okay, but doing so in every session made me want to tell you to start stretching more, or to buy a better chair, or here, let me help you with that.
I can only imagine if I’d have instinctively gone over and started touching your back, that you would’ve shoved me away from you (boundaries) which would’ve been humiliating for me. If you’d decided not to shove me away, then the issue is that massaging you and cracking your back seems inappropriate within the context of a therapeutic relationship. And I told you at the onset that I’m bad at having fake relationships, such as therapy relationships, so the last thing I need is to feel like I need to touch a man I’m in a fake relationship with. I can get that on Tinder for free.
I’m not going to suggest that you go to a chiropractor because I’m not convinced they do more good than harm, but I do recommend a better chair, more stretching in between sessions, and Tim, please get a wife.