I kept a mini diary of some initial comparisons I made between Aaron Gleaves and Tim Irving.
Both of them are smart and tall and around the same age and sometimes it’s just hard to choose between Stefan and Damon, so it’s a good thing I don’t have to.
Entry 1
Dear Aaron Gleaves,
On Thursday, January 23, 2025, I had my first appointment with a new therapist. It was in person with the intention to continue to meet in person, weather permitting. He said he doesn’t like online therapy. I tend to agree that in office sessions are ideal, even though Telehealth is a valid and often more convenient option.
When I first contacted the new counseling group, I told them I was looking for short-term therapy to help me process the way you hurt me. They set me up with the only man who works there. I originally thought I’d end up with one of the female therapists, but no, it’s another dude. Determined to not let my past with you ruin my future relationships with all other male therapists, I went to my initial session with an open mind.
Tim Irving is different from you. That was instantly clear. For one thing, he seems to carry some of his issues where they’re more visible, whereas when I first met you, you gave me a gut feeling that you had your issues lurking just under a layer or two of a high functioning surface. You aren’t, however, great at keeping them hidden.
I never told you because I thought you’d get upset with me, but I think your hair is very expressive and symbolic of your personality. I could write a convincing term paper about your hair, not kidding. Maybe one day I’ll finish an analysis of what I think your hair says about you. Just to let you know that you have more tells than you might think you do.
Back to Tim, he’s much more organized than you. I think at least part of the reason for that is because he might have to be more intentional about being organized due to his ADHD, which he self-disclosed. He’s also more forward and doesn’t appear to devolve into passive aggressive behavior as quickly as you do.
Tim’s much better at making notes and planning and defining and communicating his work and his personal boundaries. Unlike how I had to prod you constantly about your boundaries. Did you ever decide on them, BTW?
Overall, Tim seems to be more self-aware, while you present as someone who is always winging things at least 50% of the time, and you seem to feel like you don’t need to be very mindful of how you do things because you’re used to it working out in your favor. Everyone else are extras in the film starring you. That’s fair and I relate to it, but it’s not the vibe that most people want from their therapist.
In one of our early discussions you admitted that you have a history of getting away with things because of your looks. While Tim is also good looking, I didn’t feel like I needed to ask him that. Just a different feeling.
You present as more confident in your physical presence and your speaking skills and voice are excellent. Those are definitely things people tend to be drawn to.
I doubt I’ll continue therapy long enough to see how passionate Tim gets about any political issues, so I probably won’t have the chance to compare the two of you about that. I enjoyed the lively and spirited conversations that you and I had about politics. I hope you weren’t faking your political opinions. I’m half expecting you to be a fan of Elon Musk and driving a cybercrap truck, but I prefer to pretend that you were actually being genuine about your political views.
An important and interesting theory I have is that Tim is more skilled at not taking things personally in his work and doesn’t appear to have your tendency to over-correct when he’s in uncomfortable emotional situations. I’ve seen you become defensive at times and have seen you act emotionally cold and dismissive at other times when something provokes a strong emotional response in you. Due to these differences, I believe Tim is better than you at not hurting his clients, even if he feels hurt or angered or annoyed by one.
I told him how you dumped me right after suggesting the container method. I think I mistakenly said box instead of container. He was surprised and impressed that I’d actually used a real box. I guess that’s unusual. BTW, I decided I won’t be going through my trauma box notes with him or with any other therapist. I actually took all of them out and shredded them. I don’t know why, but before I decided to do that I’d pictured you hating me and hoping my container of trauma would build up and eventually destroy me. I think it’s because you behaved so coldly at the end that on some level I thought you must really hate me like my exes try to convince themselves they do. It really upset me to see you like that.
I remember that you told me to not stuff my trauma away without ever getting around to working through it with a therapist. But then you showed up at our very next session emotionally cold and with no apparent recollection of us talking about the container method and with apparently zero interest in helping me with it. I was extremely hurt by that and felt betrayed and abandoned.
Back when I wrote those traumatic and scary things, I’d read them aloud and also said out loud how they made me feel and then said why I didn’t need to carry them around with me anymore. After you dumped me, I thought about the box often. I think that I actually healed on some level from those issues during my process of putting them in the box. It was like I was letting go of the pain of those experiences and scary thoughts for real on some level. You’d probably say I’m wrong about, but you get no say about it now, and why should I trust you about it anyway?
I told Tim how you were good at suggesting tools that might help me. I liked that you didn’t hold back about offering me ideas. I wish you knew how much I appreciated feeling like you had my back and wanted what was best for me. In some ways that’s been the hardest thing for me to lose.
Back to Tim, he said he’s ok with clients cussing. I didn’t ask, he volunteered that. I only cussed a couple of times in that session, about you, cause yeah, fuck you Aaron Gleaves for being so casually and unnecessarily cruel. I probably won’t cuss much in my sessions with Tim, but we’ll see.
My sense of humor showed up as it does. I can’t tell how he feels about it. I think he finds it interesting, at least for now. He asked me about the timeline of my sessions with you, and I ended up telling him how session 69 was our downfall session. And of course I laughed. I couldn’t help it. I think your timing sucked in nearly every possible way with my termination. You did it right before Christmas, fully aware that I have a history of being mistreated and abandoned at Christmas. You dumped me on the terrible and traumatic anniversary of my Mormon wedding, you asshole! And somehow you managed to run us off the rails during session 69. Yes you fucked up the timing really bad. Epic fail, Aaron Gleaves. Really it was. But my sense of humor still managed to find reasons to laugh about, and 69 was kind of fitting since I’m a Sabrina Carpenter fan. But it’s too soon to tell how my sense of humor will go over with Tim.
I have my second session next Thursday. I think it’s fitting that I still have therapy on Thursdays. I’m taking Thursdays back.
That’s all for now.
Entry 2
Dear Aaron Gleaves,
Tomorrow, March 6, 2026, will be my seventh session with Tim. I really like him as a therapist. He still seems to have Jedi Master level skills at not letting his personal feelings interfere with my therapy. He hasn’t been defensive when I say how angry and frustrated I am with my bad therapy experience, and even when I go off about therapists and the health system in general.
I texted him after my session last week that I’m thinking to terminate tomorrow. I can’t picture myself ever feeling safe with another therapist long term. I felt so safe with you and it ended so badly. Approximate relationships don’t seem worth the terrible risk of going through more severe emotional pain.
I’ve had so much difficulty sleeping. I wake up during the night and have trouble falling asleep and have bad dreams that I’m going to get hurt. I’ve not had a good appetite either and also haven’t felt like exercising. I still force myself to sometimes, but it isn’t my best effort. I’m just not feeling it. I also gave up meditation. It makes me think of you so I stopped trying. I know that’s weak and pathetic, so let’s just say I’m not meditating because it was something you suggested. I told Tim about that and I thought he might judge me, but he didn’t. He made me feel like it’s ok, and I can keep meditation as an option for if I want to try it again sometime.
When I think of how gentle Tim is with me, it makes me want to cry. How dumb is that to feel over a stranger getting paid to act like they care about me.
It would be so devastating if I started to deeply trust Tim and then we ended in a bad way like we did. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
When I told Tim that I thought my next session would be my last, he thanked me for the heads up and said we should talk about it in the next session.
Deja vu. You said the same thing in a text and the very next session you terminated me.
It hurt so bad to be discarded like that.
I don’t think Tim has a meddling supervisor lurking in the background. I don’t think he’s going to tell anyone else everything about me like you did with Stacey. But he could still get bad advice from a colleague at any point and be convinced to destroy things with me. He really seems ok, but how can I know. It’s not worth it to get hurt again.
I wonder what client you replaced me with on Thursdays. I hope it’s someone you and Stacie like. I hope you replaced me with your perfect client. And I hope that when you think it’s going really well…
Your perfect client dumps you.
Entry 3
Dear Aaron Gleaves,
I had my final session with Tim. It was so much better than the awful final session I endured with you.
I actually felt like Tim had my best interest in mind the entire time. Even when he asked about what I planned to do instead of therapy for emotional support. Maybe it was me being naive again like I was with you, but it seemed like Tim really wants me to be okay. I didn’t get the feeling that he wanted me to stay or go for his own reasons.
I told him how I don’t think therapy is right for me or I’m right for therapy because I prefer relationships that are real or that have the potential to become real. Therapy isn’t genuine and it’s just not natural to me. It frustrates me.
I told him that I felt it was pathetic of me to still be sad about you, because why should I be sad about a pretend relationship.
Tim made a good point. He said that people get sad about movies and those aren’t real. I mentioned books and comics and remarked how I’d heard that in one storyline of the TMNT comics, Master Splinter dies, and I thought that was sad. Tim knew the specific storyline because he’s a TMNT fan. I think that’s awesome!
I only met with Tim for 7 sessions, but he’s smart. When I talked with him I felt like I thought more widely and creatively and quickly. It’s difficult to explain, but I like how insightful he is.
We talked about my plan to get a better social support system. I want more friends, even if I start out with only casual friends who I just do a few specific activities with.
When I told him about the In Sessions book that I’d read and that it had helped me a lot, he looked it up online. I’m always impressed by professionals who like to continue learning. Even if he doesn’t end up reading that book, it was validating that he seemed genuinely interested in it. You didn’t seem interested in things I suggested or even getting ideas from other people in general. That might not be accurate, but it seemed like you weren’t very open minded to it.
Tim was so much more respectful and connected in our last session than you were in ours.
It wouldn’t surprise me if all of the other women in your life who you’ve “helped” in one way or another, have eventually had to go to another man to get their happy endings.