Everybody knows somebody who is fine as hell for apparently no reason other than they were genetically lucky.
I once knew such a man. Fine as could be. I was annoyed by him because therapists do not need to be good looking. Why would they need to be? They’re just there to listen and support and gently guide people into being their best selves. Personality and skill are far more important than looks are in that role.
But who better to confuse or judge and emotionally hurt and abandon a client than a counselor who is fine for no reason?
Getting treated badly by a good looking counselor adds another confusing layer to something already confusing and hurtful. Did he lash out and be mean because he thought I wasn’t pretty enough? Did he think that I was supposed to worship him because he was not only intelligent, but also beautiful? If I ever feel desperate enough to seek counseling again, will avoiding the pretty ones make therapy more likely to be mutually respectful?
Being disrespected, devalued, and abandoned are things that women learn through experience to watch out for with guys they date, but it doesn’t seem as obvious that we have to stay alert with our therapists too. Who knew that we aren’t safe to be emotionally vulnerable with male therapists in much the same way that we have to be careful about our safety in romantic relationships with men. I didn’t think my therapeutic relationship could go off the rails in much the same manner as a romantic entanglement could, but thanks to my ex therapist I learned how wrong I was.
Turns out being destroyed by a good looking therapist is somewhat more confusing than therapy just not working out. One reason is because he was a therapist and his attractiveness wasn’t a qualification for his job, and another reason is because I have no idea why a hot guy like him would make a point to hurt and bully me when we were only involved professionally. I wasn’t in his personal space. I wasn’t reminding him to take out the trash or to work out more or to stop drinking so much or to brush his teeth or to stop eating so many Doritos. I wasn’t giving him the silent treatment or telling him he was a loser or withholding sex. With sex off the table I thought relationships were inclined to be more simple, but it seems that when emotions of any kind get mixed in, even when the guy is supposedly a trained, experienced professional who is getting paid to help a client feel safe, any kind of relationship can get complicated.
Did he do me like that because he was hot and knew he could get away with it? Did he do it because he thought I was ugly and therefore I deserved to be bullied? I have no clue.
A fine looking therapist was super mean to me and he didn’t need to look good in the first place to do his job. I didn’t need him to sit there and let me look at him. I needed him to be kind.