If the universe is inclined to do us a favor, why doesn’t it do something fun like take a random mental health counselor who might’ve bullied his sweet little client and inspire him to go do what he should be doing to make it up to everyone:
Sexy Suds Car Wash is at your service.
With an incredibly good-looking ex-therapist now the leading stud at Sexy Suds, women throughout the city and the surrounding counties are suddenly obsessed with keeping their cars sparkling clean every day.
I learned about this fantastic turn of events one Saturday afternoon when my boyfriend and I were out running errands. We saw the Sexy Suds signs and my boyfriend said something about how the women at the office had been going on about the guy who washes cars. I zoned out from what he was saying when we got closer and I caught my first look at the sexy stud of Sexy Suds. I had so many thoughts at once like, damn, holy fuck, wow, oooh, aah, and what a perfect man. All I said out loud was something like, “Look there he is now, washing cars.”
My boyfriend proceeded to go on about how that guy wasn’t really all that and how he should lift more and that women around here were really overreacting to him.
It was in that pivotal moment that I realized 2 absolute truths:
1. My boyfriend was a clueless dumbass who had no clue what women wanted (I broke up with him a few days later and he had no idea why)
And—
2. I needed to get my car washed immediately.
In fact, when we got home I immediately changed into an outfit appropriate for driving through a car wash: a thin tank top without a bra and a tight mini skirt and heels I hadn’t worn since college. I put on lipstick and put my hair up in a ponytail.
My boyfriend asked where I was going. I told him I was meeting one of my girlfriends at the coffee shop to discuss the latest rom com. He was happy to skip out on that so he didn’t question me.
The car wash was busy, so busy that the line wound around through the parking lot and backed up into both turn lanes that lead into the shopping center, like it was an afternoon pickup lane at a Texas public school.
I waited. And I waited.
When it was my turn I said hi and he smiled and asked if I wanted the real thing or just a quickie. I said I wanted everything that he had to give me. He smiled again and said yes ma’am and then I got to witness the most beautiful car wash I’d ever seen.
His hair, his glistening upper body, his muscular legs and his tight ass were breathtaking. Oh, and my car shone when he was done washing it.
I thanked him and paid him plus gave him a good tip but then I said, “Oh, I think you missed a spot.” I got out, bent over the car and rubbed at a spot that was perfectly clean. Then I backed up into him and said, “oops, I’m sorry,” and got back in my car.
I’m happy to say that out of the 300 or so phone numbers he was slipped that day, he called mine. My ex-boyfriend moved out and he moved in.
If you think I should’ve provided more details about such an important life-changing experience, please keep in mind that this is a serious blog that tries to primarily stay focused on real issues with therapy.
If any women out there are upset because they think my story has nothing to do with therapy whatsoever, maybe you getting upset over a simple story that’s intended to lighten things up and help get the er um creative juices flowing, means that you could use some therapy of your own. Or a trip to a Sexy Suds car wash. Ha. Or go read something else.
And if a certain ex therapist out there gets offended after reading about my powerful car wash experience and angrily exclaims, “Fuck that slutty client!”
I say, “ That’s ex-client to you, babe.”
And—
“Oh, I think you missed a spot.”
😉