This is the first time I’m going to try writing about this when I’m not pissed about it. Usually I’m angry about it, and I might be angry by the time I reach the end, but I’m not angry yet, so I’ll give it a try.
I don’t understand why most women will screw themselves over to protect a man. I think women must be very dumbed down from centuries of oppression, because it makes no sense to be holding onto this behavior in our modern times.
I was raised in a less than perfect environment which included some warped takes on religious practices. Not all of it was bad, but how I was raised definitely set me up to get stuck in the misogynistic machine.
As a young married in my twenties, I did some dumb shit to help my husband. I came to his defense twice that I recall. I remember feeling very uncomfortable and humiliated both times, but it seemed like what I had to do. I know now that I was trained from a young age from dysfunctional parents and an emotionally abusive childhood home as well as church and society at large to sacrifice my own good for a man.
Hmm, the biggest time and the worst, my intention was actually to defend my children, but the scumbag husband benefitted from it. Of course he did. These practices wouldn’t exist on this scale if men didn’t benefit from them.
When I reached the latter part of my twenties and into my thirties, I was no longer buying into it. Now that I think about it, that helps explain why the shit husband became far worse at a rapid rate. He felt like he was rapidly losing his privileges and entitlements that he deserved because he was born a male.
Do any readers remember my rather dramatic post where I said that if my ex therapist were to get me thrown in a stone prison that I’d write the truth about him on the walls with my own blood? I wasn’t kidding. I’m not a compliant woman. I’m not a hero, but it does take a lot of guts to not comply with men’s wishes. Our world is quite punishing to women who don’t.
I will not comply with The Therapist’s desire to get a free pass on hurting and humiliating me. If he wants redemption he must earn it.
As for the women he works and lives with. They aren’t young and ignorant and they talk with women all the time who have been hurt by men. I don’t understand their determination to protect my ex therapist as though he is their child. He’s not a child, he’s a grown man and part of that is owning up to his mistakes and making them right.
I will try to write this next part calmly.
It’s not manly for a man to let a woman defend and protect him from his responsibilities. Even if the women offer it and seem to want to, it’s a trick for men that they’ll avoid if they’re wise men. Once men start hiding behind the skirts of women they consistently believe they should get out of consequences. What they don’t grasp while it’s happening is that even if women pressure a man into being a pussy, they will begin to disdain him because he loses his manly power (the good version like being respected and having confidence in him) and instead they end up disgusted with him. They turn him into a wuss and then resent him for being one.
Let’s keep in mind, that women are human and drawn to power just as men are. The difference is how much and what kinds of power this world has historically let them have. But don’t think that women are better than men in that many of them wouldn’t get a rush from having power over a man. Wise men don’t relinquish their manhood to women because they know that will backfire in the long run.
If a woman is protecting you (and you aren’t laid out wounded on an actual battlefield) then she is thinking of you as more of a child than a man. As healthy women aren’t attracted to children, any man who falls for this will eventually find that the woman loses the remaining respect she has for him.
This brings me back to my confusion. If I were a man and had gotten myself into a troubling situation, I might ask wise women for advice, but I’d never let them fight my battles or decide my strategy. I’d never use my wife or children or sister or mother or female coworkers as soldiers or shields in my battle with someone. I really don’t get how a man educated in psychology would fall for that. I honestly don’t get it, even feminist women would not be my soldiers. Period.
The other confusing aspect is why feminist women would want to fight another woman to defend a man.
Ladies, men do not need us to defend them. They literally run the entire world. Why would modern feminists educated in psychology fall into that ancient trap of fighting over men? Do you need dick that badly? Is it the only way you feel powerful since it can feel futile to fight men? Just fight women and feel powerful from it? Now you do realize that is fighting only helps men. If a group of feminist therapists and I fought and there was no man in the middle then I’d say go for it, but please don’t fight for or over a man.
Ladies, when there is a man in the middle, please don’t fall for the misogyny that causes you to hate other women.
I realize it’s difficult. How many times do I really really want to leave my ex therapist a negative review on Google which I believe he deserves, but I stop myself because I don’t know how to do it without hurting women who don’t deserve it.
Is that idealistic of me? Probably, and I’m not even perfect at it and it sucks, because I should get to freely defend myself against a man without hurting a woman.
But men are very good at hiding among women and getting out of responsibility and effort. I think women should stop hiding them and protecting him.
If a man screws up and you are screwing him and working at work with him, who do you think is going to ultimately receive the bad end of the deal? Do you really think that the man will be the one to get the worst consequences? I’m not that naive. This is why I think only foolish women in their twenties can be given a pass for getting involved with a male coworker.
I look at the situation with the ex therapist. Had he been let go, the counseling firm would have had no more issues about it. Keeping him and adjusting the women around him and pleading with his enemy or threatening to destroy her is something they ought not to do. Why would they not believe a woman who says a man did not do right with her? If these women don’t believe women then I don’t understand how they are therapists to women.
Also, women do not expect and certainly do not demand that single women protect your marriage. It’s not my job. I get nothing out of defending your relationship more than your own husband does. To be clear, I have never had a fling with a married guy, but that’s because I like attention and don’t want to be second place to his wife. It’s not because I believe in your marriage or the entitlements and higher status our society gives you because you’re a man’s property.
This is probably the most calm I’ll ever be talking about this. Usually I get overcome with disgust for the ex therapist and society at large.
I’m not demanding he should be fired, just pointing out that rearranging all of the pretty furniture around a broken chair isn’t the win you might think it is.
Thanks for reading.