I don’t know how to get over the way my ex therapist humiliated me. There are plenty of ways to say goodbye or breakup with somebody without humiliating them. Why did he choose to humiliate me when he did it?
How do I reconcile all the positive experiences I had with him with the version of him who treated me like nothing? Was my therapy time with him nothing but a total sham?
Why is he ok with humiliating a client? I don’t understand why he’d want to do that to me. I even texted him the week before to try to ascertain if he was done being my therapist, because I was trying to have that conversation so that I could prepare. But if there’s one thing that I feel Mr. Gleaves was bad at with me it was having uncomfortable conversations. The problem is that the uncomfortable conversations were about issues I was advised to talk with him about. Everything online, therapists themselves encourage clients to bring up issues about therapy or questions about their therapy with their therapist. I didn’t make that up. It’s what I thought I was supposed to do.
Mr. Gleaves, why couldn’t or why wouldn’t you let me be safe to talk about therapy issues with you? I tried and you were bad at it. You were good at most everything else and bad at that, but that’s a critical thing. You could’ve been honest with me if you didn’t like me or had lost interest in my well being because you found me annoying or something. I deserved the truth and honest communication from you.
I trusted you enough to bring up issues about therapy with you. Do you know how much I trusted you? Are you just so used to people trusting you about everything that you don’t value it? Why do you say you reverence your clients but you wouldn’t let me talk with you. Was it just me?
Aaron Gleaves, you owe it to me to tell me if you disliked me and were too chicken shit to tell me. I really opened up to you and worked on stuff and you could see me working on things.
Did you look down on me the entire time? How could you act nice and then be so awful to me? And then you shut me out completely and never let us turn it around. We could’ve ended with some positivity.
Why are you a counselor if you can’t understand people? I don’t have your stupid education, but even I know basics about people. People don’t like to be tricked. Did you groom me to be your client, while disliking me the whole time? What the hell was going on? I have a right to know because it was my therapy.
Aaron Gleaves, I am so angry with you. That was my therapy, not yours! You had no right to steal sessions from me and end things like I was a girlfriend who you felt disgusted with. How fucking dare you? How dare you humiliate me after I believed you cared about me and I trusted with you with personal things.
I thought the world of you. I bragged about you to everyone. That part isn’t your fault, I should’ve never set you up as an awesome guy because when you threw me away it was much more humiliating to have to tell people that my favorite guy tossed me out like garbage.
You did not need to like me or care about me. I never expected you would, but you acted like you did and you said we were in it together and you shouldn’t have said and done that sort of thing if you didn’t mean it.
I didn’t need to go to you to get tricked and be lied to and casually and coldly discarded. There are other men who I could’ve gone to for that treatment.
Was I a fool to trust you? Maybe, but you encouraged me to, and that part is on you.
I told you how much I respected you and valued your insights and opinions and admired your creativity and resourcefulness. You were the best thing to happen to me in a long time. I was a braver, smarter, more confident version of myself because I felt cared for and supported by you. Perhaps that would’ve meant something to you if I’d been rich or gorgeous or famous.
But do you know how many people have brought out the best in me without it being a situation where they’re trying to destroy me and I improve by having to overcome them? Very few. You were special to me. I didn’t mind that you supposedly don’t like football (I’m still not entirely convinced that you don’t have an inner struggle going on about that among other things) because if I wanted to talk to somebody exactly like me I could’ve skipped therapy and talked to the mirror.
You were the perfect mix of creative, challenging, supportive, outspoken, and open mindedness that I’ve known. I find you fascinating even when we disagree. I even found you interesting (and also annoying) when you kept deleting my reviews of you. I’ve found myself wanting to slap you and hug you equally throughout this ordeal that you’ve inflicted on me. I feel that way about zero other people.
I also feel like you don’t understand that if you didn’t like me that I would’ve rather that you had ended things with me way sooner. Why didn’t you? Did you only have a few clients and felt like you needed to stick with me until you had more and could afford to let me go? Was it about you needing to get your therapy hours in for your license? You know you could’ve said that. Not a pleasant conversation, but I could’ve respected you for being honest with me. Or maybe you aren’t the honest one in your family. You obviously bring your emotional trouble into therapy with you. Again, ok, but bring it with honesty please.
As smart as you are, it’s hard for me to think of you as being dumb enough to think that the way you ended my therapy was what was best for me. You weren’t thinking of what was best for me though, were you? You were thinking of how you could avoid the uncomfortable stuff as much as possible.
My therapy termination wasn’t about me, Mr. Fine Looking Jerk Gleaves.
My therapy termination was about you.