When I’m my hopeful Muse self I try to rewrite what happened because I’ve read that sometimes works, but my Resilient self doesn’t buy it. She always corrects me.
I smile excitedly and tell Resilient about the part where The Therapist said, “Resilient I’m so proud of everything you’ve accomplished and it’s been an honor to be part of your journey.”
Resilient, unamused, says, “You wish he said that, but he said nothing even resembling that.”
I’m deflated and say, “I wonder if he’s said that to other clients and Resilient replies, “Maybe.”
I get mad and say, “He liked me. I know he did!” And when I’m incessant about it Resilient says, “So what if he did, Muse? He doesn’t care about you now.”
And then I’m right back to where I was. I never mattered to him and never will and I can’t get Resilient to rewrite it for me because she wants me to get over it, get over him, and just be strong like she’s always taught me to be.
I quiet down for a while, but eventually I try again and she stops me the same as she always does. Because there is no other way it happened. There was only ever The Therapist’s way and that’s all my therapy ending can be.