I never wanted to hate my ex therapist. I really wanted to keep liking him, but after well over a year of intense suffering, I just can’t take it anymore.
It feels more peaceful hating him.
I hate all of them at Calmed Counseling and Consulting because that feels more peaceful too.
I wish I had never reached out to Mr. Gleaves. I wish I had been with a therapist who actually cared about me like I cared about him. I wish I had had a therapist who thought I was as amazing as I thought Aaron was, and I wish I’d had a counselor who would’ve been kind to me if he wanted to end things with me. I really needed kindness from my therapist, especially after being abandoned by several key people in my life, I needed a therapist who wouldn’t do that to me.
I think there are therapists out there who are gentle about terminating therapy. I like to think I would’ve had one like that eventually. I still think I deserved that from my therapist even though the way he left me made me feel like a failure as a client.
Aaron won’t tell me why he decided to do me the way he did, and it’s time I accept that sometimes people, even therapists who act like they love me, don’t truly care about me at all.
I’m tired from being sad for so long. At least writing him off as a terrible ogre who I hate because he hated me first, is straightforward. No complicated stupid confusing love feelings to trip over.
I want to feel better and I asked him to help me for over a year but he won’t.
Hating him and writing him off like he did to me is the only way I know to help myself.