I’ve felt different all day. I was cleaning out blog posts and I reread a few of my angry ones and noticed they didn’t make me sad or angry.
I remembered what it felt like writing them, but it was like I was reading them from a distance now.
It might be too soon to say I’m suddenly doing better, so I’m not going to think that. I’m going to keep going one day at a time. The big test will be if I get really sad or angry again. Will I despair and sink into depression, or will I be able to let those feelings pass through without letting them knock me off course?
I know how ridiculous I probably sound to those of you who are counselors, but that TV show “Shrinking” is helping me so much. Is it nuts that I started to get mad again earlier and pictured myself talking about how I feel to different characters in that show, and I quickly stopped feeling bad? I didn’t picture them giving me any advice, it was just by telling them that I felt understood and safe to have those feelings without being controlled by them. I don’t know how that show is helping me more than everything else. I picture The Therapist hating it so much haha and possibly judging me for liking it.
I was posting things earlier and just feeling meh about posting, like yes I know what I went through but it doesn’t interest me as much now. However, this relief could be temporary so I’m not going to get overly confident.
I still like The Therapist, even while I adamantly disagree with how he’s treated me and is still stonewalling me. I’m feeling ok about him maybe hating me too.
I’m tired because it’s late when I’m writing this, but I guess how I’m feeling makes sense. I don’t have the energy to analyze all of it right now.