Dear Readers,
I’m trying to get to the point where I feel well enough enough of the time that I don’t feel like I have to write on here to save my life.
If I succeed, this blog will become even more boring and then stop, although I do plan to keep it for a bit longer in case I finish my book.
I haven’t had to deal with another hate surge yet, which is when I feel a lot of rage at The Therapist for hurting me. I’m working on a better way to cope with that since the usual coping typically fails me when that happens.
My last therapist mentioned my strong sense of justice, and that seems to be what pushes me over into rage and despair. How could a good guy like The Therapist abandon me like that and just walk away? I know it’s not that simple, but that’s what it feels like sometimes.
When I wrote my post that no help is coming, I meant it. No help is coming and I don’t trust therapy itself as a tool anymore, even though I’ve had great past success with it. It’s just not who I am to forge fake relationships, unless they’re the superficial kind like at work or something similar where neither party is more inclined than the other to feel like the relationship is real. I like relationships where people are on the same page. I don’t want to be played and tricked.
Even if I’m inclined to try therapy again, I’ve limited my options. That’s a cost I was prepared to pay when I started being vocal about my experience. The therapists who have been willing to work with me after knowing how I felt about The Therapist and discovering that I have blog, are amazing and I’m grateful to them.
I can’t promise that I won’t write another post about my hot therapist or about how I hate him, because sometimes I do and in those moments I feel like I’m going to self destruct. It’s my intention to move away from that and stop focusing on him. Obviously, that might be difficult sometimes because he is my favorite hot therapist and a girl has to have something enjoyable to write about. 😉
Seriously though, I’m trying.