Nearly every day I get upset and very angry at The Therapist.
Is it a good sign if I don’t stay down as long as I used to?
Is this enough progress?
I don’t think it’s enough progress quickly enough.
I would slam my head against the wall or punch something until my knuckles bleed if that would stop me from feeling down. Would it help? I keep wondering if I just need to purge him from my system. I want to feel clean from this. I’d even rather be angry than feel down, or feel nothing at all. I want this to stop.
I’ll tell myself it’s ok that I trusted the wrong guy and he hurt me. Maybe he didn’t mean to. That should make it hurt less. Client, hurting you like this was just an accident. Because accidents happen, even in therapy.
There are no safe spaces. There are no safe places. There are no safe people. I knew this already. His nice hair and kind voice don’t mean he’s safe.
I feel dumb. Maybe I am. I can’t tell now because I’m getting tired. The pain will subside soon.
I pick myself up quicker than I used to.