Dear Aaron Gleaves,
All that I’ve been through from how you ended things with me, and I still don’t understand why you ended it like that specifically. What made you do that to me?
I can relate to human reasons, and that’s why what I want is for you to explain to me why you did my termination in a way that used specific details from my therapy sessions instead of us planning the end of my therapy together, which is what I thought we were going to do. It never occurred to me that you weren’t going to allow me to get a say in how my therapy ended.
But you surely have a reason for going above and beyond in the opposite direction of what your intake policies said and opposite of what you knew would be best for me.
You might not know this, but I’d rather know why even if the reason is horrible, than be left to wonder, because it’s more difficult for me to learn what I need to learn from an experience if I don’t know what the experience was. I think you remember this about me, but in case you don’t, it’s true. The biggest way to hurt me is to shut me out and give me nothing. Which might be why you chose to do it this way? And that’s okay, you more allowed to dislike me, but it would help me to know.
Are there big mistakes I made as a client? The feedback I’ve received from other therapists has been positive, but maybe I wasn’t a good client when I was yours? I could learn from knowing how I screwed up.
Did you want to get rid of me much sooner, but you needed a regular client like me to help you get the required hours for your license? That’s a solid reason. You could’ve told me that and I would’ve helped you because you know we had some good business conversations. We had similar business acumen.
Was it because you didn’t want to deal with our rupture? The one when you kept saying I was mad at you? And I kept saying I wasn’t mad at you, I was frustrated? You know I’ve always regretted not just making that session about you. Honestly, if I could go back and change one thing it would be that. I wasn’t mad at you. I never got mad at you. I was frustrated because I was confused about some therapy stuff and I felt like you were avoiding me or giving me mixed signals toward the end when I’d bring it up. I’m not saying you were doing that, but it’s what I perceived was happening. I thought I was supposed to bring that awkward dumb therapy relationship stuff to you directly. That’s really what therapists usually tell clients to do. I probably should’ve dropped all of that instead of pushing, and I’m sorry I didn’t handle it better. I never wanted to make you dread meeting with me or dislike me.
So maybe that’s why you hurt me at the end? You needed to show me you’d had enough. That’s very human too if it’s true.
I think it’s interesting that you managed to hurt me more than any man ever has. I wasn’t prepared for it from you at all.
I know you got frustrated when I said I wanted us to eventually be friends. Now we’re enemies though which is still a dual relationship only I think it’s a worse kind, but maybe for therapists they prefer enemies over friends with clients? I never did entirely relate to or get the therapist religion. You tried to help me understand, but I just don’t think in those terms.
Will you please consider telling me what happened and why you did it like that? You were my favorite and the pain of how I lost you has been bad. Maybe if I knew why you did it like that I would see your side of things and not have to carry it around anymore.
I would appreciate it more than you know.
Heather